Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Attack of the Dirty Sweatpants!!!

It's beginning...the signs are all here!

How can I tell it's happening? Yesterday's decision to watch—on cable no less—My Stepmother Is an Alien featuring the preteen pairing of the later-to-be-paired as-teens Alyson Hannigan and Seth Green, was a sure sign.

It continued with today's almost total sloth-and-channel-surfing-filled afternoon. Highlights include:
• Sleep until 10:00AM
• Turn on TV. Surf between "E! Presents Plastic Surgery Nightmares", "Haunted America", parts of "Semi-whoremade Cooking"
• Make a quick trip here to blog
• Stop by Go Fug Yourself
• Leave GFY, skipping off to YouTube to watch a Celine Dion video
• Wikipedia loaded; look up Queen Elizabeth 1 and Tila Tequlia
• Compelled to still watch "Haunted America" with really bad "factual reinterpretations"
• Eat granola from bag. Call it "lunch"
• Begin to worry, quite seriously, about the U.S., and about me

The transformation is not complete. I did do some job-hunting related work, and I read an article in The New York Times about the slow failing of Christian Republican conservatism. (Also, my sweats are clean and I did laundry. Plus, yesterday I left the house and socialized with another human—however, she's embraced a Mom-based lifestyle, so technically, was as desperate as I am.)

If it so happens that I don't bathe for three or more consecutive days, and I begin to defend Cheez Whiz and Chardonnay as a complete breakfast, call my gay husband. It's time for an intervention.

Until then, I will ice my knee and love my severance!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Dime...life turns on one...or nickel, or whatever.

So, one day, I bicycle to work, get a flat, and get laid-off.

And then, after having a few really fun days, I blew out my knee (again) and think, the Universe is telling me: No bets, nothing safe, nothing fun, but everything is good.

I have everything and should just shut the fuck up.

(Yikes...enough with the navel-gazing!)

Friday, October 12, 2007

Random Items, Specific Conspiracy

So, yeah, been on vacation to both sides of the country (San Francisco, Mount Desert Island).

And thus and hence, have had no time to devote to my bloggage, which I suppose is a good thing, since there are far too menu navel-gazing bloggers out there....but I just don't care. It's not like I started this thing so that I could get a book/movie/YouTube/magazine/media gig out of it. This is the Save My Sanity from the Cube Farming, Soul-Deadening Job blog.

Which brings me to my Conspiracy Theory.

For quite some time now, this intrepid healthcare writer has been wondering about the so-called Obesity Epidemic and Corn. Because if we look at the evidence, I'm thinking that it all adds up. What crop do we have that is highly subsidized by our Government? Corn. What companies have bet the farm, as it were, on developing genetically modified strains of Number 2 Feed Corn that produce a mammoth excess to be sold off/shipped off/processed off? Big ChemAgra. Who do they own? Big Pharma. Are you still walking the path with me? Come one....keep walking.

What happens when you eat too many pounds of Number 2 Feed Corn? Well, if you're a cow on a feed lot, you get nice and fat. If you're a person sitting in an SUV on the way to your desk job.....you get nice and fat even though you though you aren't really aware that you're eating that many pounds of Number 2 Feed Corn because you don't really know that it's in every processed food you buy and consume. And soon, your SUV will be eating it too, in the form of ethanol. But at least your SUV won't get any fatter.

So what happens if you get nice and fat? You get sick. You get diabetes, heart disease, high lipid levels....so wouldn't it be nice if there were some effective medications to treat your illnesses? Yes, yes it would. And wouldn't it be oh-so-kooky nutty if those magical medications were manufactured by a subsidiary of the very parent company that manufacture the genetically modified Number 2 Feed Corn to begin with? Wouldn't that be the perfect capitalist feedback loop?

So folks, read your food labels. If you want to know how much Number 2 Feed Corn you're eating, here's list of derivatives.

Choose fresh produce and grass fed, grass-finished beef, pork, and chicken products and get the corn out of your life. Okay, so maybe you can have a bowl of freshly popped popcorn every once in a while. I'm not a total buzzkill.