I Bring You a Recession

I am responsible for so very much. Yes, I am. I control the U.S. economy—I'm that powerful. You can look at every layoff I've ever been through as a bellweather for an economic downturn.

You doubt me? Let me get my resume and I'll show you, nonbelievers!

In any case, I'm really relieved to know that the Medicare Part D program benefits only the truly deserving souls who needed it: The Shrub's friends running insurance companies.

What a relief that the elderly and disabled beneficiaries of Medicare have their expensive medications covered only most of the time, while Humana and CIGNA's senior leadership (not to mention some former senior execs involved with the local healthcare landscape) will be making out like bandits come bonus time. It comforts me, the jobless one.

And now that we've had a nice satisfying rant about healthcare, let's move on to Super Tuesday. Please to direct your attention to the cover of todays' issue of The New York Times online. See John McCain's Official Trophy Wife Number Two? Look closely, and in your mind's eye, superimpose the creature from Alien onto Cindy Lou's head.

If you weren't frightened by the Senator's proposed "permanent state of war" comment earlier this month, that image should do it for you.

Run away, America!!! This couple is just Shrub-lite, and in some ways, scarier.

Now, Hil, Barack, you two just figure it out right now, or I'm sending you both to your room. Run on a joint ticket. Barack, you take role number two, and Hil, give him something REAL to do. He's a smart man, and you don't want to turn him into Al Gore 2.0, do you?

Because as we all know, Clinton-Obama will whoop some serious election-day butt if pitched against any Republican.